last few days .........

Well I am sat here finishing off some jobs and cooking etc but a thought prompted me from the other day. My eldest son asked me Mummy what's it like being a grown up like you? I know what he meant and was nicely saying (from an 8 year old perspective!!!) what's it like to be old?? Don't get me wrong I don't feel in the least bit old, but it has made me think how I am compared to maybe how I was when I was 8.

I remember thinking my mum was so responsible, she looked after 3 of us on her own, and I'm sure at times we weren't stepford kids for her (in fact I know we weren't) but I always remember thinking she knew everything and it made me feel secure knowing she was the big grown up and I could grow up within those boundaries.
I reckon when I was 8, my mum will be about 37, so only a few years more than I am now, but I remember asking her a bit ago, when she really felt that feeling of being the responsible one, of knowing what to do, of having the answers and offering that security. With 3 grown up children (one who will be 40 next year and me the baby 33 in a few days), she answered very honestly and wisely "I'll let you know" she said with a smile.

I suppose now I'm the nearest I'll ever get to a grown up (33 does seem proper grown up- in age at least), I suppose I have come to understand over the last few years, that being still on the learning curve is where I will always be and I probably won't ever be the "grown-up" that I believed existed, but my prayer and wish for my children is that they know that same security that I felt growing up of having people who "know", and having the freedom of living in that place as I did.

The wonderful thing is I still have my mummy to go to, but knowing God too I have my Heavenly Daddy and the great thing is he really is a proper "grown-up" and does know all the answers, I just need to be the child where hes concerned and stop trying to be the grown-up :-)
And I know my kids can know him too, though they don't have so many problems at times being kids LOL, they kinda have the heads up on that

All in all I am pleased to be 33, I know who I am and where I'm going and I'm not going to compromise on that. I've learnt its OK to be different, even if it means people don't always understand me. I know I don't have to have all the answers and that my faith in God grows stronger which each passing day as I get older in the natural, I know that I get younger in his presence. I kinda like being "old", I'm sure I've got more to learn and more hurdles to cross but I am sure that the road ahead will be just as much of a wonderful adventure that the last 33 years have been.